They Wont Go When I Go
Every Blackning Church Appalls
oil on panel- 24 X 48
Titled after a line from William Blake’s poem “London”, this piece expresses the faults we carry despite being holy people. The halo is a symbol of the gospel, which says that the heart of God is in all men, including me. The halo is dim, bent, and tilted to symbolize the sin that all men also must face. In Blake’s poem, this line describes the chimney soot of London coating the church steeples. This poem seemed fitting to base a painting on as it was one of the first paintings I completed in New York City, which could just as easily be described by Blake’s poem.
Every Blackning Church Appalls (Study)
oil on panel- 6 X 12
Titled after a line from William Blake’s poem “London”, this piece expresses the faults we carry despite being holy people. The halo on the self-portrait symbolizes the time I have spent in the church and my efforts to be Christlike. However, like all people, that is skewed by sin and human elements in us. In Blake’s poem, this line describes the chimney soot of London coating the church steeples. This poem seemed fitting to base a painting on as it was one of the first paintings I completed in New York City, which could just as easily be described by Blake’s poem.
The title “Every Blackning Church Appalls” is a line from William Blake’s poem “London.” It was one of the first significant works I painted in New York, working out of a basement studio in South Harlem. Many parts of Blake’s description of 1794 London could also describe New York City today. Though unpleasant in some respects, my community here has no ties to my upbringing. It has given me the freedom to focus my energy on healing without distraction.
A prominent theme of this painting is religion. I was baptized and grew up in the Westminster Presbyterian congregation. Our church- specifically our middle and high school youth group—experienced multiple leadership changes during those years. With no constant role model, my peers and I developed a reliance on each other. The tight-knit relationships we built in our small youth group gave us the stability to cultivate a strong faith base. Steven grew up in the church with us and was a prominent part of the group. Following his death, I experienced a destabilization of my faith. Once I moved from the bible belt, I considered the role religion played in my life and how to reestablish it. This painting documents that personal struggle, which is just one of the effects of grief on my identity. The halo is inspired by the scripture, which states that the heart of God is present in all man. I identified with this through the love our youth group exhibited through our congregation. The tilted, dimly lit halo symbolizes my faith in the wake of my grief: faltering and imperfect but valid.